I have Foot in Mouth Disease

It's true. It occurs when I open my mouth and something crazy pops out. It's not pretty. It has got me into a lot of holes I just can't dig myself out of.

It's more likely to occur when I'm nervous. Out of my comfort zone. Around people I don't know very well. It usually starts with me blurting out something which in my head sounds normal, until I realise, after I've spat it out, that actually that was quite rude. And then I try to dig myself out of that little hole, and dig it far far deeper. It's really not pretty.

The reason I bring this up is because my little brother got married on the weekend. And I've hardly met my sister-in-law's close family, let alone the whole she-bang (as in my family and my brothers friends covered five tables, her family and family friends covered the other 12. Not exaggerating.)

So, with all of these strangers around, the added pressure of dressing up (my mother may have made a comment about how I tend to severely under-dress for special occasions. She kindly didn't mention that I also tend to resort to the quirkier side of fashion, which very few people understand. :(

But you know, I went, I was calm (I love my cousins!), and so far, I only made one tiny sneeze in my disease. And, I was very proud of myself. It was a good feeling.

But it got me thinking to the last time I had this kind of social anxiety. I was all dressed up, looking pretty darn stunning, with a boy, who had just mentioned 'oh yeah, didn't I tell you mum's coming.' Uh oh. I get really bad FiMD around his mum. Either that or she chooses to take everything I say wrong. Looking back, I think it's a bit of both. So yeah, panic stations. (Can you hear the klaxon alarms?? I can).

Anyway, short version, that was the last occasion we saw each other. Every thing I said (and what I wore) just created such a big hole, that I got home and cried. Actually, once the show finished, instead of going out for dinner, we went back to my car, and from there I cried all the way home.

After this wedding, which went off so well, I've come to a conclusion about the difference. At the wedding, my cousins knew how i felt, and they were encouraging. With my ex, in that instance (and, I realise, many other occasions with him) I felt neither safe nor supported nor encouraged. I felt nervous and scared. and of course, I got a really bad case of FiMD. And I realise, that's why we never worked in social occasions - we were both waiting for me to make some kind of faux pas.

Conclusion? Dear cousins, thankyou so much for knowing my tendancy to FiMD and just being there as a positive support. I know you guys think you did absolutely nothing, but to me, it was everything I needed. I thank God for that.